The Solitude
by Spirit Of Euphoria
Summary: The prequel to "The Ice Dragon and the Fiery Queen". Hermione reflects on her situation. She can't stand to be alone any longer...


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A/N: This is Hermione's point of view at the beginning of her fifth year. If you have read my fanfic "The Ice Dragon and the Fiery Queen" then you will notice that this is the prologue (or whatever comes first!) of that story. Basically, Hermione's thoughts before the start of my D/H fic.

Disclaimer: I own nothing Harry Potter, apart from the merchandise (isn't the model of Snape so gorgeous!!!!!!) erm, my wand and broom (yes, I'm very sad) er…lol basically Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling and all related characters and stuff.

The Solitude

By Silver Willow

I won't lie to you. I crave the attention at times. The attention of being the cleverest witch in the year.

And yet, sometimes, I hate it. I loathe it with such a passion. Everywhere I go, 'There goes Hermione, clever clogs Hermione'. That's all they recognise me for. Bushy haired, clever, straight thinking Hermione. Not pretty Hermione, or even charming Hermione.

Haven't they ever heard the expression 'Beauty is on then inside' or 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder'? I suppose not.

Parvati's quite attractive. Not as intelligent as most, but she gets by. As does Lavender. Contrary to popular belief, they do actually study.

It seems I'm destined to be alone. I sit here, in my usual chair in front of the fire, idly watching the flames licking the coal with their serpentine tongues.

And in the distance, I see Harry and Ginny, gazing into each other's eyes with the same lovesick expressions. I see the adoration in his stunningly green eyes as he takes in every inch of her. They're completely in love.

Not that I want Harry for myself, oh no. As I tried to explain to everybody, Harry and I are not going out with each other. Granted, he's attractive, and enigmatic in a way, but I've never looked upon him as anything else but a friend.

I do feel jealous, I'll admit that. Harry is one of my closest friends, as are Ginny and Ron. But it seems they all have their own little crowd now.

I'm always left out.

The last time they went to Hogsmeade, they didn't ask me. The three of them just went without me. And I stayed, all alone, reading in the library. Madam Pince doesn't mind me being in the library any more. She talks to me as a kindly aunt might, offering her knowledgeable shoulder for me to cry upon (figuratively speaking of course). 

I know what you're thinking. 'What about Ron', right? Well, he doesn't notice me. Ever since the Yule Ball, the situation has been fairly uncomfortable. Conversation is fairly stilted these days.

And he thinks I don't care.

Believe me, I do. I love Ron, or at least I think I do. I've always liked him, I suppose. He's just…well, so sweet. I think I've been attracted to him since our first trip aboard the Hogwarts Express. I've never been a girl to go for the handsome boys of the school, like Cedric Diggory, rest his soul. But Ron was one of the first people to stand up to me. I suppose I admired his blunt honesty. Nobody had ever really dared to before.

I don't think I'd ever go for a Slytherin boy. They probably wouldn't go for me either, being a Muggle-born and all. But I'm proud of what I am. I didn't get to Hogwarts just because of my parentage. I possessed magic inside me from the day I was born, and I guess that makes me pretty special. Not a single witch or wizard in my family…it's wonderful to know that I'm different.

And I won't deny that I've thought about other boys in our year. I know Draco Malfoy is arrogant, stuck-up and makes Voldemort look like a kind and sensitive man, but he is attractive, there's no hiding that. 

Then again, that's the way it usually goes. We all develop a fixation-no, an interest (I do _not_ have a fixation with Draco Malfoy) in the bad boys at some point, don't we? It's only natural to feel that way.

Anyway, it's not like it's going to happen. Can you really imagine Draco Malfoy staring intently into my eyes and telling me he loves me with his entire soul?

No, I didn't think you could. It would be like Voldemort holding an elegant soiree for Muggle-born witches and wizards, and announcing that the guest speaker will be Professor Dumbledore.

I really shouldn't joke about such a thing. But I know one thing…I can't bear to stay alone much longer. I'll sit by the fire and stare hopelessly into it, hoping that Ron will walk in and tell me that he wants to be with me. 

Wishful thinking, Hermione. It's not going to happen. 

The common room is empty now, reflective of the way I feel. All I want is to be wanted by somebody, to be loved. Why is that such a bad thing? Am I such a bad person for wanting it? I'm only human, after all.

But Ron doesn't care. I'll just stick my nose in a book like I always do and I'll pretend it never happened.

But I can't do that. I can't be alone any longer.

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A/N: Well, hope y'all liked that anyway :o) sorry if I've depressed you guys! I just felt the need to write an angsty piece about Hermione…we've all felt that way at some point. **Just a quick note here-thanks to Janine for correcting grammatical errors and putting up with me when I start ranting about Draco and Lucius (she wouldn't let me type 'gorgeous' in front of their names-she felt it was a grammatical error. HMPH!!! But they are anyway…!) R/R please…I'm getting desperate now!!!**


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